Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
