so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
