I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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