she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
