What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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