neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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