Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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