You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
