I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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