Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
