I want to make a zoo with you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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