Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
