She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
