If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
