A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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