my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
