It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
These tits shall not be calmed
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