put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
