it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
