I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
