Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize