I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
