So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I cockslap morals
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
