My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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