I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
