I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're a waste of cheezeits
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
