he thought i was a dude.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
