I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
