she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
