Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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