I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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