drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
