Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize