i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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