Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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