john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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