I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
