No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
