Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
