my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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