There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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