I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
