I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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