Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This house was built for laser tag.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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