Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
