worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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