Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Randomize
