where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize