So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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