I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
