In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
