Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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