like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
