I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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