i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize