Everything about him screamed your future.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
