My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
