I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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