I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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