one two three fourrrrnication!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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